


Complete Idiocy

by RedPen (GardenVatiety)



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 13:16:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12233619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GardenVatiety/pseuds/RedPen
Summary: Sometimes I write dumb stuff...





	Complete Idiocy

**Author's Note:**

> Occasionally I get the urge to write something stupid. And as we know, stupid things and the internet go hand in hand! Er...paw in paw?
> 
> This was written in response to a Zootopia Fanfiction Bingo card I saw. Cramming 24 well-known tropes into a single story? Now that sounds like a challenge! (The bingo card is at the bottom of the story. Tick them off as you go!)

It was Nick’s first night staying at Judy’s kittenhood home, and despite several of the leoprine’s kin trying to wrap themselves around the tod, including her freakishly-adorable fox-bunny half-sister, they finally managed to find some time to themselves.

“Sweet cheese and crackers, Nick,” Judy gasped. “Your hands sure know what they’re doing!”

Nick looked into her amethyst orbs and chuckled. “Well, they’ve had a lot of practice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, whenever me and Finnick, my old hustle-buddy, with whom I have encounters, went dancing, we’d always go for a subtle butt-grab on our partners. Of course, Finnick favours women of...substance. So his subtle grab was more like mountain climbing.

Judy laughed. “How about you do a little more subtle grabbing over here, then?”

“I’ve got a better idea,” said Nick, reaching into his garish Hawaiian shirt and extracting a bag of blue powder. “Why don’t we make this a real party?”

“Wai…Nick! Is that Nighthowler?”

“I’ve got connections,” Nick explained. “Weasleton. In addition to slinging bootleg DVDs, he’s got a contact who supplies him. Some guy called RedPen, who is super awesome and may actually be a secret agent as well.”

“Nick, it’s illegal. Like how we sometimes get favours from a known crimelord. And I’m not going to get addicted to drugs. Mom’s already asking about when I’ll settle down. If I start abusing, it’ll kill her!”

“It’s not that bad,” Nick protested. “My mom uses it to medicate her cancer.”

Suddenly, there was a timely interruption as Bogo burst into the room. He saw Nick’s hands on Judy’s backside.

“Nick! Are you breaking the ZPD’s non-fraternization rules?” he roared.

“Uh…would you believe no?”

“Well, I bet that you two wouldn’t get together, so great. There goes 100 bucks.”

“Chief,” Judy asked. “Is there any particular reason you stormed into my bedroom in the middle of the night?”

“Yes. Bellweather has been broken out of jail by a gang of more than 3 predators, and she needs to be re-arrested. You’ll be working with a crack team to solve this case, including Jenifer-”

He motioned to a wolf of remarkable beauty and faultless intelligence.

“-and Clawhauswer, who should be arriving any second by air drop…”

Clawhauser came crashing through the ceiling at that moment, squealing as he went, and landed bodily on Nick, crushing him underneath.

"Oh god, Nick!” Judy cried. “Say something!”

“My…only regret,” Nick croaked, “is that…I didn’t get…to finish Gideon’s blueberry pie…”

And then he died.

The Zootopia Fanfiction Bingo card is not mine, and can be found at https://imgur.com/WXUcoqC


End file.
